The Real World: Akatsuki
by Uzuki-Kun
Summary: The Real World...With Akatsuki. Last chapter. That's all to Season 1. Will there be a Season 2? Eh...I don't know. Enjoy the reality T.V. Show gone wrong, un!
1. Chapter 1

Ok, so I saw something on Newgrounds that was this. That is where I got the idea from. If you want to see where, go to Newgrounds, look for Naruto, and look for The Real Akatsuki. It's funny...so I thought this would be to. Anyways, back to business.

Disclaimer: I don't own crap. Ok, there, I said it. This whole thing...not mine. Enjoy!

* * *

(Enter the house)

Announcer: 9 people, ordinary, but extraordinary, will live in this house for the next…um…however many years…um…chapters…yeah. They will live in the house anyways. They will learn to cope with one another, and accomplish tasks together. They will do this…or kill each other in the process. This is…The Real World…Akatsuki!

Deidara: This room's mine, un!

Tobi: No, this is Tobi's room. I am a good boy, so I deserve the best room.

Itachi: …Why am I even doing this show?

Sasori: …I don't know. I was asking myself that very same question.

Leader: I think we can all agree that I should get the biggest room…since I will kill all of you if I don't have it.

Deidara: …Damn it, I really wanted that room, un. Well, I get that one then.

Tobi: No! Tobi gets that one! Tobi is…

Zetsu: If you say you're a good boy again, I will eat you.

Tobi: Tobi is…very frightened of this plant guy.

Zetsu: Good, keep it that way.

Kakuzu: Hmm, I will take this room, because I will kill anyone who bothers me, and this is the furthest one from everyone else.

Hidan: Yeah, well, I'm going upstairs, dude! That way, I can totally get my tan in and do my praying. Right on!

Zetsu: My room is this one, because it is here, and I am here…that is all you need to know.

Deidara: Ok, the next room…that one is mine, un!

Tobi: No, it's mine! That room is Tobi's!

Zetsu: (Chuckles)

Deidara: What's so funny, un?

Zetsu: …There's only one room left…and that's it.

Deidara: What!

Tobi: Yeah! Bunkmates!

Deidara: Wait, Orochimaru hasn't picked a room yet, un! He has to take this room to. All three of us can't be in there!

Orochimaru: (Looks Tobi up and down) I think I can cope, kukuku.

Deidara: Ok, you guys take that one then, un. I will sleep in the living room.

Leader: No, that is the common area. You can't sleep in there.

Deidara: Damn it! You guys are pissing me off, un! Fine! I will stay with Sasori!

Sasori: I don't require sleep anyways. That is fine with me…but touch my shit and you die!

Deidara: Great! That's settled then, un!

(In the pink room)

Deidara: I don't know. I mean, things might be looking up, un! That Sasori is a nice guy, so I think we are going to get along well together, un!

(In the pink room again)

Sasori: That Deidara is a pain in the ass. I hope he dies soon. I want my own room. I only said he could share it because, frankly, I would rather have him there then Orochimaru.

(In the house)

Leader: Ok, we are going to go after the Jinchuurikis now, and…

Zetsu: Wait, I just got my pot unpacked, and…

Tobi: Wait, you have pot Zetsu-san?

Zetsu: It's where I sleep, you idiot! (Yeah, beds are dumb)

Leader: Fine, we will go after the Jinchuurikis later. Right now, I want to rest.

Deidara: I'm going to go watch T.V., un!

Kisame: No! I'm watching T.V. (Hunkers down on the couch and takes the remote control)

Deidara: Wait, what are we watching, un?

Kisame: …Shark week on the Discovery Channel.

Deidara: What! That is stupid, un!

Kisame: (Pulls sword on Deidara) Say that again, blondie.

Deidara: …On second thought, I'm going out. See you later, un!

Kisame: Knew that would shut him up, hehe.

Tobi: Kisame-san, can I watch with you? Tobi is a good boy!

Kisame: Hmmm, I don't know. You aren't going to talk are you?

Tobi: No Kisame-san, Tobi is a good boy!

Itachi: Tobi, please be quiet and watch the show. You're going to make me kill you if you don't shut up.

Hidan: (From upstairs) Turn that thing down. You're like totally ruining my meditation and prayer, yeah!

Kisame: Why don't you shut up! I'll, like, totally kill you if you don't!

Hidan: (Walks downstairs and opens his arms) Fine, go ahead, fish boy! See if you can kill me then! I dare ya!

Kisame: (Smirks) Naw, you look to scrawny to kill!

Hidan: (Creates a circle and seal beneath himself, stabbing at Kisame lightly to draw blood)

Kisame: Ow! Hidan!

Hidan: (Walks into the circle, raising his dagger and stabbing himself with it lightly) Not so tough now are ya?

Kisame: Ow! Hey! Oof! Stop that, you asshole! Ow! Hey! Stop!

Hidan: Now, are you going to turn that thing down? Or do I have to cut my arm off?

Kisame: (Turns the T.V. down) …bitch.

Hidan: Good, now keep it like that!

(In the pink room)

Kisame: That Hidan is just an asshole. I could take him if I wanted to. But I decided not to…you know…after that whole thing about…well, never mind.

(Later in the pink room)

Zetsu: …You know, I bet that Kisame would taste like tuna. (No way! He would taste like Halibut) Tuna! (Halibut!) Tuna! (Hmmm, how about flounder?) Yeah, I bet he would. I wonder…

Next time in the house…well, you'll have to tune in to find out!

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Ok, so this is how it went. I thought it was good...but I will let you decide. Oh, and I am thinking about making them do crazy stuff depending on what the audience (you) wants them to do. So, put on your thinking caps, give me a review, and I will write more. Otherwise, it's back to the whole Deidara story thing. Ciao for now!


	2. Chapter 2

Announcer: Housemates…Report to the living room for a special game. This time, the stakes are higher, and what is on the line? You'll find out!

(In the pink room)

Tobi: Tobi didn't know what was going on, but he sure was excited! Oh boy, I hope that its something shiny and new for Tobi! Tobi is a good boy!

(In the house)

Tobi: Zetsu-san! Can you believe it? A game! Oh boy! I hope Tobi wins!

Zetsu: Shut up Tobi! This is stupid, and I can't wait for it to be over. I'm watching the gardening channel after this! (Yea, this is dumb. Can't we just eat everyone now?)

Orochimaru: You can sit near me, Tobi. Kukuku!

Tobi: No thanks. Tobi will sit near Deidara-senpai.

Deidara: Go away, Tobi!

Hidan: Man! This is totally cramping my style, like, for real!

Kakuzu: Shut up! You guys are really starting to piss me off with all your crap. It makes me feel like killing people!

Hidan: Man, you already tried killing me, like, ten times already. Give it a rest, you heard?

Leader: (yawns) This had better be important, because I was in the middle of looking at po…pot pies…yea, pot pies on my computer.

Tobi: Why was Leader looking at pot pies on the computer? 

Leader: Shut up, Tobi!

Orochimaru: I have pictures of pot pies on my computer, to! Mine are younger than yours I'm sure, kukuku!

Leader: Shut up, Orochimaru!

(In the pink room)

Leader: That Orochimaru is so perverted. You've seen the way he looks at Tobi, right? I mean, it's not like he hasn't tried the same shit with Itachi. You know?

(Flashback. Orochimaru and Itachi in the kitchen, Itachi drying the dishes while Orochimaru washes. Orochimaru spills water on Itachi)

Orochimaru: Oops! I've got you all wet, Itachi. Let me dry you off (Grabs a small towel and starts rubbing the front of Itachi's cloak, going down…down…)

Itachi: Stop, or you lose that hand!

Orochimaru: Come on, Itachi! You know you want…(Itachi smashes Orochimaru's hand between two pans. Orochimaru shakes it off) Oh, playing hard to get, eh?

(End of flashback)

Leader: See, what I tell you? The guy is a pervert. I swear, I hope someone kills that guy, you know?

(Back in the house)

Tobi: Zetsu-san! Let's start! Tobi is bored!

Zetsu: Shut up, Tobi!

Deidara: This whole thing is making me ancy, un! Makes me feel like blowing something up!

Sasori: Deidara, do something useful and be quiet for five minutes. In fact, get yourself a hobby.

Deidara: Art is my hobby, Sasori.

(In the pink room)

Sasori: He's always talking about his crappy art. "My art is great" "My art is a blast" "My art is wonderful!" Bleh! His art is crap! Now, real art is something that stays throughout time, not something that blows up. Take my puppets for example, they are brilliantly made and stored. That is true art. His art, ha, don't make me laugh!

(In the house)

Deidara: Stop playing with your dolls, Sasori!

Sasori: They're not dolls! They're puppets!

Deidara: (coughs) Ha…cha ka kadolls cha ka!

Sasori: Shut up!

(In the pink room)

Zetsu: I still think he would taste like tuna.

(Back in the house)

Announcer: Ok housemates. Your task, for a weeks worth of fresh seafood (Kisame: CRAP!) is to…find the key hidden in the house. You are in two teams. Team 1 will be Tobi, Deidara, Sasori, and the Leader! Team 2…will be everyone else!

Sasori: …Crap!

Deidara: This is stupid! I don't even like seafood, un! It gives me hives!

Kisame: This is completely crap! I call murder on this! This has racism written all over it!

Tobi: Tobi will find the key! Tobi is a good boy!

Sasori: I'm going to my room. Call me when this is over!

Deidara: Hmm, this is too much trouble. I'm going to watch T.V., un!

Leader: Come back here and find that key! It's not that I care about that key, or the seafood…but I want to win, damn it!

(In the pink room)

Leader: It's not that I want to win…but I seriously want to win!

(Back in the house)

Zetsu: I can use my jutsu to find that key! (Disappears into the ground)

Orochimaru: …Tobi, can you come here! I think that the key is in the light up here. Come on! Stand on my shoulders to see if it's there, kukuku!

Tobi: Really, Orochimaru-san? Ok!

Deidara: Tobi, he just wants to peek under your cloak, the pervert.

Orochimaru: Don't be silly, Deidara. I would never do that…kukuku.

Kakuzu: I found it!

Orochimaru: Damn, so close!

Leader: Where was it?

Kakuzu: Inside Hidan. I cut it out.

Hidan: Damn you! That hurt like hell you basturd!

Kakuzu: Whatever. We won, didn't we?

Hidan: Screw you!

Leader: Crap! I never win anything.

Announcer: Well done, Kakuzu and company. You get a week's load of seafood, courtesy of Captain Jim's Seafood Emporium!

Kisame: Curse you Captain Jim!

(Later, in the pink room)

Hidan: So, like, we had seafood for dinner…for a whole week. I'm so totally hating fish right now, it's not even funny!

(Even later in the pink room)

Kakuzu: You would think that Hidan would show some gratitude! I mean, all I did was cut him open for a prize, is that so wrong. God!

(Even later then that in the pink room)

Zetsu: Tuna! (Halibut!) Tuna! (Halibut!)

Announcer: Well, what stupid stuff will happen next time? No one has reviewed, so it will be anyone's guess! Tune in next week…um, tomorrow, to find out! Until then, this is the announcer, wishing you all….oh, screw it. I'm going home!


	3. Chapter 3

Announcer: Last week, the housemates had a brutal challenge. Find the missing piece to the puzzle before time ran out…or they would have no food for four days! Well, it looks like they failed miserably, and we are on day three. Let's go check in on…The Real World…Akatsuki!

(In the house)

Hidan: Yo! Have you guys seen the fish around lately?

Kakuzu: No! Shut up and go away.

Hidan: Dude, seriously. You totally need to chillax man.

Kakuzu: I'll totally chillax you, with an axe and a freezer.

Orochimaru: That sounds kinky, kukuku.

Tobi: Zetsu-san! Zetsu-san! Hey, has anyone seen Zetsu-san?

Deidara: He's in the kitchen, un.

Tobi: Why is Zetsu-san in the kitchen? We have no food. Oh, Tobi is sooo hungry.

Orochimaru: I have something you can eat Tobi…kukuku.

Deidara: Orochimaru, shut up, un!

Leader: Mmmm, I smell something good. Where is that coming from?

Kakuzu: The kitchen I guess.

Tobi: Zetsu-san!

(In the kitchen)

(Zetsu standing over a pot)

Tobi: Zetsu-san! What are you making, Zetsu-san?

Zetsu: …

Leader: I thought we lost all of our food. Good work, Zetsu. Mmm, smells great!

Zetsu: …

Itachi: Has anyone seen Kisame?

Hidan: I know! I was asking about that a second ago, man.

Itachi: …Zetsu, what are you cooking?

Zetsu: ….My home made recipe that mom handed down. (Yeah, it's good. So shut up!)

Itachi: (Goes to the pot) Hmm, what is it?

Zetsu: …Shark fin soup.

(Everyone else gasps)

Leader: …Oh well, at least he was good for something.

Itachi: This won't do. I can't eat my partner. Release him now!

Zetsu: But…but…he's almost done!

Itachi: Zetsu…

Zetsu: Oh…alright. Geez, ruin my soup why dontcha? (Basturd!)

(In the pink room)

Kisame: When I get my hands on that Zetsu, I'm going to make him into mulch. Trying to eat me…that basturd!

(Still in the pink room)

Zetsu: I still think he would have tasted like tuna. (Halibut!) Shut up!

(Back in the house)

Tobi: Hehehe, nice tan you have Kisame-san!

Kisame: It's not a tan, you asshole! Its third degree burns! God, I hate you all!

Itachi: Do not speak that way. It was me who got you out of that pot, remember?

Kisame: Yea, sorry. Thanks Itachi!

Tobi: Tobi would have helped you, Kisame-san! Tobi is a good boy!

Kisame: ….I hate you Tobi!

Kakuzu: Hey, we're running low on money, so me and Hidan are going to go pick some up. You guys want anything while we're gone?

Tobi: Oh! Buy me a candy! Tobi is…

Kakuzu: Anyone else besides Tobi want anything?

Tobi: Ohhh…

Kisame: Can you pick me up some Stresscoat?

Kakuzu: …Um, sure. Anyone else?

Zetsu: A fillet knife.

Kisame: Zetsu, I'll kill you!

(In the pink room)

Itachi: Zetsu needs to calm down. Kisame can only stand so much before he starts killing things. Zetsu may be able to hide as a plant, but Kisame still knows where the weed killer is stored.

(Back in the house)

Deidara: Look what I made, you guys! It's an exact replica of everyone in the house, un! (Shows them all 9 of the people in the house)

Orochimaru: Oh, mine is cute, kukuku. (Orochimaru's replica blows up)

Deidara: Look what I made, you guys! It's an exact replica of everyone in the house minus a child molester, un!

Orochimaru: I'm going to kill you Deidara. But, you're just too cute to kill sometimes…kukuku.

Deidara: You need to stop saying kukuku, un!

Orochimaru: And you need to stop saying un…un!

Deidara: I can't help it, I have a speech impediment, un!

Orochimaru: Speech impediment, my ass!

Deidara: (sulks away) …Michael Jackson wannabe.

Orochimaru: Art school drop out….kukuku.

(In the pink room)

Orochimaru: Really? Do I say that all the time? I don't believe it!

(Season rewind of tape)

Orochimaru: Hey, I found a penny, kukuku!

Orochimaru: Oh no! My computer froze…kukuku!

Orochimaru: (sitting at a quiet table of people eating. Looks around, and then back at his plate) …kukuku.

(Back in the pink room)

Orochimaru: …dicks!

Announcer: Well, that's all the time that we have for today! Tune in next time for another exciting episode…ok, not that exciting, but it should be worth looking at anyways, right? Umm, yea, that's it. Go away now! Seriously, stop reading! Stop! Stop it! I'm leaving.

* * *

Just to be sure we are all on the same page, Stresscoat is stuff you put into a fish tank to help your fish out with. It removes chlorine and adds to their slimecoat, for those who don't know. Oh yea, and Zetsu has two personalites, therefore, he talks back and forth to himself, in case that was confusing. Ok, there you go!


	4. Chapter 4

Kakuzu: Hey, have you guys seen Hidan?

Tobi: Tobi hasn't seen Hidan, Kakuzu-san. Hmm, maybe Hidan ran away…Tobi knows! Tobi will find Hidan for you, Kakuzu-san.

Kakuzu: No Tobi. I would kill you, so you can't come with me.

Tobi: But Kakuzu-san, Tobi is…

Sasori: …a good boy. God, will you give it a rest you little basturd. That's all you say. We know you're a good boy. Why do you think you suck at being an Akatsuki member anyway?

Orochimaru: Did someone say that Tobi sucks? ….kukuku.

Sasori: Honestly, Orochimaru, this is getting tiring. You need some mental help or something. I mean, your nothing but a pedophile!

Orochimaru: I am not! I just think that children are beautiful and that they should be kept that way. Geez!

Sasuke: Orochimaru-sama, you told me you would show me a new jutsu today…

Orochimaru: (Looks at all the members staring at him)…kukuku. (Leaves with Sasuke)

Leader: That guy freaks me out. Seriously.

(In the pink room)

Deidara: You know what freaks me out? That whole shrouded in darkness thing the leader has going, un! That scares the crap out of me. What is the deal with that, anyways? I mean, he's all shadowy and stuff. I can't see his face, un!

(Back in the house)

Sasori: What is for dinner Itachi?

Itachi: Why do you think I would know? Today is Kisame's turn to cook, is it not?

Sasori: Hmm, come to think of it, Kisame has been gone for a while. You should check on him, Itachi.

Deidara: Don't worry, Sasori. I'm sure Kisame is cooking right now!

Leader: He better. I'm friggin hungry!

Kisame: Hey everyone, it's time for dinner!

Leader: Finally!

(In the dining room)

Sasori: What did you make Kisame?

Deidara: Yeah, what is it, un?

Itachi: I hope it's edible this time. You remember what happened last time, don't you?

Tobi: That was a bad meal. Tobi remembers.

(In the pink room)

Itachi: Last time Kisame cooked, he forgot that we weren't fish. He made fish head stew. It was delicious…well, that's what he said anyways. After I was done throttling him, he decided he would call for pizza.

(Back in the dining room)

Kisame: Tonight, I thought we could eat vegetarian, so I made a huge, tossed salad! Dig in!

Itachi: That was a good idea, Kisame. We have been eating far too unhealthy lately. Hmm, interesting. My salad has an eye in it.

Tobi: Tobi's salad smells funny!

Deidara: My salad…is this even salad, un?

Kisame: Oh, come on guys! This is great. You just need to try it!

Leader: Has anyone seen Zetsu?

(Pause)

Deidara: Kisame, you didn't…did you?

Sasori: You are sick.

Itachi: That was ill-advised Kisame.

Kisame: What are you guys talking about?

Zetsu: (From upstairs) Hey, wait for me you guys!

(Appears from the floor)

Zetsu: Good, I'm not too late for dinner. What are we having?

Kisame: A salad…hehehe.

Zetsu: Ummm…great, I love salad. (You idiot) Shut up, it's good for you! (You're so stupid sometimes).

Kisame: Dig in, Zetsu…hehehe.

Zetsu: Mmm, looks good. Well, down the hatch…uh, stalk that is…

(Takes a bite)

Zetsu: Hmm, interesting flavor. What kind of salad is this? Where did you get the lettuce from?

Kisame: …Wait, this is lettuce? Actually, I didn't really know what it was.

Itachi: What do you mean, Kisame?

Zetsu: Yeah, what…

(Looks at salad again)

Zetsu: Hey…that's weird. This is the same kind of plant that…I…have…

(Looks at Kisame)

Kisame: (Looks innocent)

Zetsu: You…I mean…you didn't…wait…I…Noooooooooo!!!!!

(Runs upstairs)

Zetsu: MR. BIGGLES!! (YOU FREAK!!!!) BASTURD!! NOT MR. BIGGLES!!!!

Kisame: (Runs to the stairs) That's for cooking me, you son of a bitch!

Announcer: Well, looks like the housemates are having fun now, eh? Tune in next week for another chapter. Actually, one will be out tomorrow…probably…most likely…who knows. Anyways, this is the announcer, saying that his wife is a whore and that his kids will fail in life. See you next time!


	5. Chapter 5

Announcer: Welcome to a special edition of The Real World: Akatsuki. Today, we are going to be interviewing the housemates, one by one, to see what their hopes, dreams, ambitions…well, whatever they want to say, really. Come on, let's go…to the house!

(At the house)

(In the pink room)

Zetsu: So, what are we doing again? (Yeah! This is so stupid!)

Announcer: So, Zetsu, I hear that you're a…plant, is it?

Zetsu: No way, you think? I mean, did my appearance or the freaking leaves sprouting from my fucking head give you any clue? God!

Announcer: Well, you could have been a hybrid, you know?

Zetsu: Yeah, I'm a hybrid alright. (Half a plant, half a screw yourself!)

Announcer: (coughs) Ok, well. So, Zetsu, what is it you want in Akatsuki anyways?

Zetsu: I don't know. Maybe it's the power, or the glory, I don't know which. Honestly, I have some issues. (Oh geez, here he goes.) You see, I never met my father, and I went to seed before I met my mother…so…

Announcer: Zetsu…are you alright?

Zetsu: I…I…I just need…a minute, alright? (You're such a crybaby sometimes.)

Announcer: Ok, well, let's talk to someone else now. Uh, you!

Tobi: Me? You want to speak to Tobi?

Announcer: (sighs) Sure, come on!

Tobi: Great! You should speak to Tobi. Tobi is a good boy!

Announcer: Why is Tobi a good boy?

Tobi: Well, Tobi…um, well, Tobi has…

Announcer: Yes, Tobi?

Tobi: You know, Tobi has never really thought about that. Tobi will have to see why Tobi is a good boy.

Announcer: Well, good luck on that! Hey, there's Itachi! Itachi, come over here!

Itachi: What is it?

Announcer: So, Itachi. You killed your family, beat up your brother and scarred him for life, and now you're an S-rank criminal in Akatsuki. Tell me, how does that make you feel?

Itachi: Well, I…(looks at camera) Hey little bro! It's me! I'm on T.V.!

Announcer: Uh…Itachi?

Itachi: Sasuke has always wanted to be on T.V. This is probably pissing him off a lot! Hehe, foolish little brother.

Announcer: Let's get back on subject, Itachi.

Itachi: Hmm, so I feel good, I guess. Yes, I feel great. It's so much fun to kick the crap out of children. You should try it someday.

Announcer: Sorry, Itachi. The parole board says I can't do that anymore.

Itachi: It's a shame. Well, I must be going now.

Announcer: So, that was Itachi. Who else…who else, who else…Oh! Sasori! Come here please!

Sasori: What is it? I hate to be kept waiting.

Announcer: I just need a moment of your time, sir.

Sasori: Very well, what do you want?

Announcer: So, Sasori. What is it that makes you…you.

Sasori: How about the fact that my body is made of wood? Or that the only thing that is human are my internal organs? Oh, and if I could, my organs would be made of wood to!

Announcer: Hahaha…except your heart, which would be made of stone, right?

Sasori: Stone? Are you freaking stupid? Do you know how heavy that shit is? God!

Announcer: Ok, well, he's gone. I don't hear anyone else in the house right now, so you'll have to tune in later to see the others. Well, this is the announcer, saying that he's going to go hang himself now. Margy, you're a bitch by the way! I never really loved you, and Chuck, you basturd, I hope you die. Haha! Goodbye for now fans!


	6. Chapter 6

Announcer: This week on The Real World: Akatsuki, the house mates have a prize on the line. The prize is a phone call, outside of the house. Until this time there has been no outside contact for them to any of their loved ones or friends, but now, a challenge is all that stands between them and that dream.

Orochimaru: Great! I can call my cousin Micheal. He knows great strategies about…well…never mind…kukuku.

Deidara: I can call my niece! I wonder how little Ino is doing in Konoha now a days…she's such a little whore, un!

Leader: I have no need for loved ones! I have always been alone…and I shall stay that way. But I will win this challenge because I want everyone else to be miserable, so HA!

Tobi: Tobi wants that call. Tobi is a good boy!

Zetsu: I ate my friends…mmmm, they tasted good to.

Itachi: (Begins to cry)…I would call my mom…or my dad…but…but…I'm leaving!

Sasori: I hate my life…

Deidara: I hope I win, un!

Tobi: No! Tobi will win! Tobi is a good boy!

Kakuzu: Shut up! You're driving me insane!

Hidan: I don't need to call anyone, yeah? Like, nothing ever happens in my life. All I need is my god and myself, like, totally.

Announcer: Ok folks…the task is…who…

Leader: Just get on with it, ok!

Announcer: Fine. Your task is…to swim under the water and collect the four keys first in this pool of sharks! The one who does this the fastest gets…

Kisame: Done!

Announcer: Wow, that was fast! Ok, Kisame, you get one phone call to whoever you want. Make sure you think about it carefully. You only get one.

Leader: But…that wasn't even fair! He's a god damn shark!

Deidara: Yea, un! I mean, he just told the other stupid fish to get the keys for him. This is totally biased, un!

Tobi: Tobi is a good boy!

Zetsu: Tobi…don't go to sleep tonight.

Orochimaru: I don't think he will be sleeping at all tonight, Zetsu…kukuku.

(In the pink room)

Kisame: They're all just jealous of my abilities. I mean, it's not like I paid them to do that or anything, you know? I just got lucky.

(In the pink room again)

Sasori: ….Why am I here again? I have nothing to say.

(In the house)

Kisame: (On the phone) No way…Now wait a minute…Really? No way!!...I don't believe it…Seriously!? Whoa!...That's awesome! Really?...No way!!...Cool! Thanks for the info! (Hangs up)

Deidara: So, who'd you call, un?

Kisame: A guy I know.

Leader: Who? What about?

Kisame: About something you wouldn't understand…

(In the pink room)

Kisame: Oh my god…they found Nemo! I can't believe it! They found him! It's a dream come true.

(In the pink room again)

Hidan: Ok, so to join my religion, you have to be able to kill yourself…without dying. It's really simple if you just freaking think about it, you heard. Totally love the whole death thing. (Sigh).

Announcer: Well, that's all the time we have for today. I suppose you can wait for the next chapter to be out…but then again, you don't have to. Oops, time to change my shorts! Tune in next time for another great episode…err…chapter…errr…whatever.

Kakuzu: Hey announcer, isn't it kinda stupid the way you end these chapters?

Announcer: Hahahah…Not when you're paid like I am. Anyways, this is the announcer saying, see ya later. Haha!

* * *

Guys, I seriously have to tell you that I am losing inspiration for this. If anyone has any good ideas for this, Please...PLEASE PLEASE tell me...otherwise...I am going to go insane...kukuku.


	7. Chapter 7

Thanks to BlackKanji for this idea…tweaked just a wee bit…

Disclaimer:…yeah, you know what goes here.

* * *

(In the Pink Room)

Sasori: So, I was cleaning my room one day…when I found something interesting…

(Flashback)

Sasori: (Cleaning…lifts up the bed spread to find a pair of women's underwear) What the hell?

Deidara: Sasori, what are you doing in here, un? (Walks into the bedroom to find Sasori holding the panties)

Sasori: What the hell is this?

Deidara: Umm…those aren't mine, un!

Sasori: No one else lives here in this room, asshole!

Deidara: …Ummm….Ummm…Don't judge me! (Runs away)

(Back in the Pink Room)

Sasori: So, it's been kinda quiet around here now. I mean, Deidara keeps to himself mostly, and stays out of my way. Good times to, because he was starting to piss me off…(sniggers) Ok, she was starting to piss me off.

(Back in the house)

Deidara: Seriously, I can explain, Sasori, un!

Sasori: Hmm? Oh, I wasn't paying attention. What were you saying…ma'am? (Laughs)

Deidara: Stop that! I'm not a woman!

Sasori: Whatever, whatever. The undies don't lie…girly man. Hahahaha!

(In the Pink Room)

Tobi: Tobi has always thought of Deidara-senpai as a man, but this latest thing has Tobi thinking differently. It really makes sense to Tobi now. Tobi has seen Deidara-senpai in the shower…well, not really _in_ the shower, but Tobi has heard him singing…Who sings "I feel like a woman" in the shower? Tobi thinks this is odd.

(Back in the Pink Room)

Hidan: Yeah. I know all about Deidara and his stuff, you know? I thought it was cool having a chick in the house and all, but Deidara keeps saying he's a guy. He doesn't look like a guy, does he? Does…she? Oh man, I'm so confused. I need to go pray!

(Back in the house)

(Everyone in the meeting room)

Leader: Ok Deidara, so we all have heard about the whole panties incident. Now, once and for all…are you a woman? Because women aren't allowed in Akatsuki.

Orochimaru: Yeah! Women are so disgusting…nothing makes me sicker.

Sasori: Oro, didn't you train with that Tsunade chick? She's a woman, you idiot.

Orochimaru: Huh? Yea, that. We only painted our nails together, really. Kukuku.

Leader: Shut up, all of you. Deidara, speak up!

Deidara: You guys are all basturds, un! I'm not a woman damn it! I am a freaking man! How many times do I have to say it, un!

Sasori: Then what were the panties doing in our room?

Deidara: Umm…well…

Tobi: Deidara-senpai…what are you wearing right now?

Deidara: What? I'm wearing my cloak, the same as you assholes!

Tobi: No. Tobi means…under the cloak.

Deidara: Umm…well, that's none of your concern, un!

Tobi: Tobi thinks that Deidara-senpai secretly wears…(Deidara hits him in the head)

Deidara: Shut up, dobe!

Leader: Ok, once and for all, show us what you're wearing underneath your cloak, Deidara. This will put this to rest.

Deidara: What! Never! That's retarded, un!

Leader: Sasori, will you please.

Sasori: My pleasure…(Pulls Deidara's pants down, revealing….underwear)

Leader: Hmmm…well, that settles that.

Deidara: Sasori, I'm going to kill you, un!

Sasori: Oh, shut up. Quit your bitchin'.

Deidara: (Pulls his pants back up) I hate all of you, un! (Runs to his room and shuts the door).

Orochimaru: Hey, it's like Christmas for me! Kukuku!

Leader: Shut up, Orochimaru!

(In the Pink Room)

Deidara: Assholes! They're all nothing but a bunch of assholes! And Sasori, pulling my pants down like that. I'm going to totally kill him…besides, everyone knows you wear your panties under tighty whiteys…that way, you stay comfortable…and dry, un!

(Back in the Pink Room)

Zetsu: Tuna! (Halibut!)

Announcer: Well, that was an interesting episode. Disturbing and entertaining all at once. Ha! Well, tune in next week for another exciting edition of The Real World: Akatsuki! Until then, I'm about to go tame the lion. Tootles. HAHA!


	8. Chapter 8

Announcer: Today, the moment has come that all the housemates dread…someone will be voted out of the house…permanently!

(In the Pink Room)

Deidara: We all heard about this whole voting thing, so I was pretty anxious, un! I didn't want to leave, but I didn't want to vote anyone else out either…well, ok. I did want to vote one person out, but…

(Again in the Pink Room)

Sasori: So, we all went into the big meeting room, and we were voting by hand ballot. However…

(In the Big Meeting Room)

Announcer: Housemates, today we are voting someone out of the house. One of you will have to go…and…

Sasori: I vote for Orochimaru!

Deidara: Second that, un!

Hidan: Yeah, get him out!

Orochimaru: Hey, hold on a second here…

Leader: Yeah, he totally creeps me out!

Announcer: Umm, fellas?

Kisame: Yea, I'm for Orochimaru to.

Itachi: It would be easier to just kill him…but voting him out sounds good to.

Tobi: Tobi votes for Orochimaru! Tobi is a good boy!

Orochimaru: Oh…et tu, Tobi?

Announcer: You guys, you need to use the ballots to…

Leader: Get the hell out of the house, Orochimaru.

Kakuzu: Yeah, you freaking weirdo!

Orochimaru: But…

Deidara: We said go, un!

Tobi: Tobi is a…

Everyone else: SHUT UP TOBI!

(In the Pink Room)

Orochimaru: (Sad music in the background) (sniffles) I can't believe them! They voted me out! Well, I'll show em! I'll make my own league. Yeah, and it will be better then this one. Way better. Those basturds. WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH……….kukuku.

(Orochimaru packs his stuff and leaves the house…again to sad music)

Deidara: Well, I'm glad that's over, un!

Hidan: Yeah, that guy totally went against everything in my religion.

Sasori: Orochimaru went against everything in life, Hidan.

Hidan: Yeah…that's true, dude.

Kisame: Well, I guess things will be a little more normal around here now, eh?

(They all look at each other, and they all bust up laughing)

Kisame: Never mind, forget I said anything.

Zetsu: Hey…has anyone seen the body of about a twelve year old boy lying around here anywhere? That was my snack…

Deidara: (Chuckles) Well, I guess old Orochimaru took more than what he brought in with him, un.

Zetsu: Hey! I can't eat that now…I won't know where it's been. (Yeah, I wouldn't want any diseases or anything)

Tobi: Deidara-senpai?

Deidara: What the hell is it Tobi, un?

Tobi: Scratch Tobi's back…for some reason, Tobi really wants his back scratched…no…lower than that…keep going…

Deidara: You were around him to long, Tobi. You're tainted, un!

Hidan: I can solve that with some good old fashioned religion…and sacrifice!

Tobi: No thanks…Tobi will just stay tainted.

Hidan: Damn! No one ever wants to be sacrificed. Fine…I'll just cut myself to relieve the pain, then.

(In the Pink Room)

Kakuzu: So, without Orochimaru, we began to see a little more stability. Not much more, you understand…I mean, with 8 S-Rank criminals in one house, how much stability can you have?

(Again in the Pink Room)

Tobi: Tobi is a good boy!

(Again…again in the Pink Room)

Zetsu: Ok, so we came to a decision…(Yeah, he would taste like tuna!)

Announcer: That's the show for today…not really the best one, but hey…when they cut your budget and expect you to feed three fat ass children with pennies a day, what can you expect huh? You want an A-Rank show? Then go watch Transformers or something! Geez…anyways, this is the announcer, saying…please keep watching. They hurt me if you don't…Haha!


	9. Chapter 9

Announcer: Ok everyone! The guys in the house have gone against the wishes of the people of this station and brought somebody into the house. They say that it is some guy named "Jinchurikki" or something. I don't know. Anyways, they killed like two producers before they allowed them to do it…so here it is…The Real World…Akatsuki!

(In the house)

Leader: Ok, we have the six tails…now, what are we going to do with him?

Tobi: Tobi thinks we should give him pie and punch…Tobi is a good boy!

Deidara: Let's just get his bijuu out now, un! That way, we can dump the body and get him the hell out. Besides…that guy is really, really annoying.

(In the Pink Room)

Deidara: Bob has been pissing me off ever since we captured him, un! He's so…touchy feely. He and Tobi get along great…but I want to kill him soooo badly!

(In the House) 

Bob: Hey, Diedara…you guys got any more of this root beer?

Deidara: You basturd! That was my last one, un!

Bob: Wait…I have the perfect solution to this!

Deidara: Oh yeah? What's that?

Bob: Go out and buy some more, jackass! Oh, burn!

Kakuzu: Ooooo. Classic, total classic!

Deidara: Shut the hell up, Kakuzu, un!

Kakuzu: Eh, that one sucked. You need to feel the burn, Deidara.

Deidara: I'll let you feel the burn when I burn you to the ground, you son of a bitch!

Bob: Hey…I sense some emotional issues here.

Deidara: You want emotional issues? I'll give you emotional issues. Hey Itachi!

Itachi: Yes Deidara? What do you want?

Deidara: Go to this Bob guy's house and pull an Uchiha on his family's asses, will you, un?

Itachi: Hmm, I haven't killed any families for a while. Sounds fun. I'm off!

Bob: Hey…wait…I…

Tobi: Bob! Do you want to play some checkers with Tobi? Tobi is a good boy?

Bob: (whispers to Deidara) Is he straight?

Deidara: (Whispers back) We don't know yet, un. We have a theory with Tobi there…but…

(In the Pink Room)

Deidara: You see, our theory with Tobi is that he was captured by apes as a young child, un! Then, he was sodomized again and again by the lead male, who took offense to such an idiot. Then he was found by some monks, who raised him to be catholic, and that is how he became all crazy…Ok, maybe it was all the pain killers we've been giving him…but it could be the other thing, un.

(Flashback)

Deidara: Come on, Tobi! Eat the candy! It's good, un!

Tobi: Tobi doesn't feel good…

Kakuzu: Come on, Tobi! Do it!

Leader: Yeah, you'll love it!

Hidan: I'll pretend like this isn't happening, dudes.

Deidara: Shut up, Hidan! Tobi, come on. Be cool like the rest of us! You have to eat all the candy!

Tobi: But Deidara-senpai…

Zetsu: Yeah, Tobi. Be a good boy and eat all that shit…

Tobi: Well….Tobi does want to be a good boy…

(In the pink room again)

Deidara: Hehehe, he was passed out in his room for like a week. Then Kisame had to ruin the fun by giving him a blood transfusion. Don't ask where he got the blood…I don't know.

(Back in the house)

Bob: Hey, Zetsu…so like, what's the deal with your head?

Zetsu: What do you mean? (Yeah, you're an annoying basturd!)

Bob: I just mean…like…you know...are you a cabbage patch kid or like a leafy representation of Micheal Jordan or something?

Zetsu:….You know what…I wasn't going to eat you after you die…but I might now (Yeah. You'll go well with a side dish of Kisame stew).

Kisame: I heard that, you son of a bitch!

Zetsu: Oh yeah, what you going to do about it? (Yeah! You taste better than your comebacks sound!)

Kisame: (Walks up and has arms on his chest) Oh yeah….Mr. Biggles!

Zetsu: (_Begins to cry_) Asshole! Mr. Biggles…why! (_Runs to his room_)

Kisame: That shuts him up!

Leader: Ok, settle down. Bob, the time has come to release your bijuu.

Bob: Great. I haven't been laid in like a year!

Leader:….Never mind. Kisame, if you please!

Kisame: Sure! (Whacks the guy in the head and knocks him out)

Deidara: Good, that asshole was annoying, un!

Leader: Drag him into the other room and let's get this going already. I have a tee time at 5.

(In the pink room)

Kisame: So, we got the bijuu locked up from Bob. We dumped his carcass in the river…I mean, his family was dead, so no one would have paid for a funeral…and besides that, my friends were hungry…waste not, want not I always say.

(In the house)

Leader: Ok, we need just another couple more, and we win!

Deidara: This is like a video game, un!

Kisame: How is this like a video game, you idiot?

Deidara: Because, it's like we fight the bosses and win each level, and then we fight another one…it's like a video game.

Tobi: Tobi likes video games…Tobi is…

Kisame: Man, I should totally take out my NES. Old school rocks!

Deidara: You and your old crap! I have an XBOX360. That totally kicks the crap out of your NES, un!

Kisame: Oh yeah?

Deidara: Yep! Besides that…it cost me 400 bucks.

Kakuzu: Hey, has anyone seen the jar of rainy day money on the top shelf? It should have had, like, 400 bucks in it or so.

Deidara: Uhhh, if you need me…I'll be in my room.

Announcer: Well…not much happened in this episode. Oh well, they don't pay me to be in the show, they just pay me to make sure that my sister isn't in it. Ok, leave a review for this struggling artist and he'll make your fantasy come true. Until next time, this is the announcer, saying good night…and good fight!

Some other guy: Ummm, this isn't Celebrity Deathmatch….this is The Real World.

Announcer: Really? How the hell did I get stuck on this crap? Oh well, I ain't paying for the cable. You guys got screwed…haha!


	10. Chapter 10

Thanks to everyone who commented and reviewed. If you have any good ideas that I may use...let me hear them. If you don't have any good ideas, but just mediocre ones...let me hear those to!

Thanks to BlackKanji for her great ideas...and thanks to InuKeifer for this one...tweaked a bit again. Also, thanks to everyone who took the time to review.

* * *

Announcer: Ok, folks. Today on the Real World: Akatsuki, we are going to feed one member a bunch of crazy things, to see if they go insane and kill everyone. If it happens…then we will be casting for some new roles. However, until this occurs….

Some guy: Psst…hey….

Announcer: What? I'm in the middle of something…

Some guy: I know…but….here…(hands a stack of papers to the announcer)

Announcer: Wait, what? (Looks them over) Oh…oh….I see. Ok, change of plans. Housemates, report to the living room, right now!

(In the Pink Room)

Tobi: Tobi doesn't know what is going on…but Tobi is a good boy, so he wanted to know…maybe Tobi could help out with whatever it was….Tobi is a good boy!

(In the house)

Announcer: Ok, everyone. We have some bad news for you all…

Deidara: What…is Orochimaru coming back, un?

Itachi: No, he is on some crazy ranch with a bunch of adolescents doing who knows what…

Kisame: No, you're thinking of someone else…

Itachi: Really? Hmmm, I wonder…

Leader: Shut up everyone! Go on, announcer…before I kill you!

Announcer: Right…ahem….well, it seems that the producers have run out of money…and there are bills to pay on this house and stuff, so…ummm…

Sasori: Get on with it, you ass!

Announcer: Fine! You basturds need to get jobs!

(Dun dun dun dun!!!!!)

(In the pink room)

Deidara: Ok, so, we all went and got jobs that best suited our levels of expertise, un! Needless to say….there were some mishaps…

(At a clay foundry)

Deidara: Alright! I made some great stuff, un!

Boss: Ok, newbie…what the hell is this?

Deidara: It's a bird, of course!

Boss: It looks like crap…get rid of it and make something else.

Deidara: Umm…alright. (Makes a hand sign…and the bird explodes, blowing the boss into the furnace and ruining the shop)

Boss: You son of a bitch…OW!! It's hot! Shit! Get me out of here, you basturd!!!

Deidara: Ummm, got to go…I'll expect my last paycheck later, un! See ya!

(In the pink room)

Sasori: I thought it would be easy to get a job. With my expertise with dolls, I knew I could do great things…

Deidara: HA! You said dolls! I knew it, un!

Sasori: …I…I meant puppets! I did, I meant that!

Deidara: HAHAHA! Who's the girly man now, asswipe!? HAHAHAHA!

Sasori:….Get out of here, Deidara! You can't be in here when I am!

Deidara: I know…I'll go buy you some Barbie's later, un!

Sasori: Shut up!!

(At a circus)

Kid #!: Make them dance!

Kid #2: No, that's dumb…Make 'em fight!

Kid #1: No way! Dance!

Kid #3: Tell us a story!

Sasori: (From behind the puppet box) Damn, these kids are annoying. Ok, you guys. I'm going to tell a story about dancing fighters!

All the kids: HURRAY!!!!!!

Sasori: Now, once upon a time…(One of the puppets launches poison needles, killing everyone watching) there was a princess…(three hours later)…and they lived happily ever after. Ok, how was that? Hello? Anyone out there?

(In the pink room)

Sasori: Needless to say, I got fired…(hangs head in shame)

Deidara: Sasori! You play as Ken and I'll be Barbie, un!

Sasori: Deidara…I'm going to kill you!

(Back in the pink room)

Hidan: Ok, so I knew my calling, yeah? I was a priest in nature, so I was going to be a priest in real life…it was going to be awesome I thought…friggin cool, you know?

(At a church)

Hidan: And the Lord says to you…um…"Be cool and don't cause no shit…because…I'll hate you if you do!"

Parishioner #1: The Lord would never say that!

Hidan: Hey, pipe down! I'm in the middle of my exceedingly long and boring sermon over here! Don't make me kill you, god damn it!

Parishioner #2: You just took the Lord's name in vain!

Hidan: I'm about to take yours in vain to…but the vein in your body!

Parishioner #1: Shut up! We don't want you as our priest! Go away!

(Back in the pink room)

Hidan: So, I quit…I didn't need no job like that anyways, you know? Oh, by the way, if the police come here…I was with you…the entire day, aight?

(In the pink room…again)

Kakuzu: I knew what I should do as a job. An accounting firm was just right for me…

(At the firm)

Kakuzu: Let's see, carry the four, add the charges from last month, and take out the tax deductions…

Boss: So, Kakuzu, how's it going? (Kakuzu turns, slicing the guy in half)

Kakuzu: Oops….force of habit…shit!

(Back in the pink room)

Kakuzu: What? The guy shouldn't have snuck up on me like that!

(In the pink room again)

Tobi: Tobi really didn't have any special skills…so Tobi went to work at the McDonalds…

(At MickeyD's)

Some guy: Tobi! Order up! Three hamburgers and 2 orders of fries!

Tobi: Ummm, yeah. Tobi is a good boy.

Some guy: Ummm…that's great and everything…but I still need….

Tobi: But Tobi is a good boy!

Some guy: Perfect! Now, about that order…

Tobi: Right! One good boy named Tobi, coming up…

Some guy: ……………….You're fired. Leave.

(In the Pink Room)

Tobi:……………Tobi is a…………..

(Back in the Pink Room)

Kisame: Ok, so I knew exactly what I should do!

(At a water park)

Trainer: Ok! And now! For the amazing Kisame! (Nothing happens) The….AMAZING KISAME!!!! (Still nothing happens) Ummm….folks, seem to be having some trouble….let's give him a round of applause and welcome…the AMAZING…..KISAME!!!!!!!!!! (Applause…….and nothing happens)

Kisame: (Under the water….smoking a cigarette) Screw them….I'm on break….

(In the Pink Room)

Kisame: …………..What?

(In the Pink Room again)

Itachi: I didn't think the job hunt would go particularly well…but I found something I thought would be possible to do for me…

(At an exhibition)

Itachi: Ok….look into my eyes…you're falling asleep now…you're slowly falling into my trance….sleep….sleep….(some lady falls asleep)

(The audience is stunned)

Itachi: Ok, I will now make her do some stuff…(turns to the woman) Get up and do the chicken dance…(gets up and walks like a chicken…much to the amusement of the audience) Great! Now, do a handstand! (She does a handstand) Well done…now, become who you love on your favorite show… (She stands up, walking over to Itachi)

Woman: Big brother….won't you play with me?

Itachi: AHHHHH! Foolish little brother! (Kills the woman)…………..oops………….

(In the pink room)

Itachi: Needless to say……I am currently looking for another job…….

(In the pink room)

Leader: I already told them that I wasn't going to look for a job. I was the Leader, so everyone else had to work….leave me the hell alone, I don't need to impress anyone!

(In the pink room again)

Zetsu: I found my one true passion!

(At a greenhouse)

Zetsu: That's a cactus, my dear….(Yea…so don't water it you stupid bitch!) What? Oh, that Vicus will do wonderful with those lilies! (Hey, don't touch that! I'm busy arranging that damn it!)

Customer: What kind of fertilizer should I use on this?

Zetsu: Ground people works really well…

(Everyone stops and looks at him)

Zetsu: (What? You never tried ground people? It's delicious!)

(Back in the Pink Room)

Zetsu:…….They still haven't called me back……(Yeah….those basturds!)

Announcer: Hey everyone! I'm back to let you all know that we finally have funding for you again! You don't have to take jobs anymore…

Hidan: Really? Cool, yo! Actually, I was personally hating the job hunt thing. Now I can get back to praying!

Kisame: Thank god. I was all pruned from being underwater all that time!

Zetsu: Pruned? Where? Shit!

Kisame: Calm down, eggplant! Geez!

Leader: Good, now we can get back to work on the stuff we need to get done!

Deidara: Wait…has anyone seen Tobi, un?

(Tobi comes downstairs in a maid's outfit)

Tobi: Well, Tobi is off to work!

(Everyone looks at him and starts laughing)

Tobi: What?

Deidara: Tobi…that outfit looks ridiculus! What the hell are you doing, un!?

Sasori: Oh, I don't know, Deidara….it….fits him….HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Leader: Tobi….you don't have to go to work….mmmhhahhaammamamah……

Tobi: It's ok, Leader-sama! Tobi likes his new job!

Deidara: What exactly…is your new job, un?

Tobi: Tobi got a job as a maid!

Kisame: We get that….but who would hire you to be a maid….

(Phone rings)

Leader: (Answers it) Hello? Orochimaru? What the hell? What do you want?...Huh?...Erg…..you sick basturd…….ok, ok……..goodbye…..(hangs up the phone and stands there, disgusted) Tobi…..Orochimaru says you're late!

Tobi: Oops, can't be late! Tobi is a good boy….(Leaves)

(Everyone shutters)

Announcer: Well, sorry that was such a long episode, but they fired the guy who edits the show, and they are too cheap to hire a new one….but they got me my secretary…soooo…I'm happy. HA! Tune in next time for an exciting episode of The Real World…..AKATSUKI! YEAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! (blah….I'm going home….this is dumb…..)


	11. Chapter 11

I took BlackKanji's idea and tweaked it for this episode….I hope it turned out alright. As a reward, I am sending Gaara over to be BlackKanji's personal maid for an entire day. Congrats Black! You earned it!

Gaara: Hey….that's not fair!

Shut up! You have no choice….cause I'm the writer here….so there!

* * *

Announcer: Yeah, you know. I really don't have a clue about what is going on at home, but my wife is sick, and my kid just needs a beating, and damn, I don't know if I can………………..OH, crap, we're on??? Really??? OK! So, welcome back to the Real World…ummmm, Akatsuki. Today, the housemates are going to be playing board games and stuff, because that is how it is done…and stuff.

(In the house)

Sasori: Deidara…you landed on my property, now give me my freaking money!

Deidara: Fine…here, take it…

Sasori: Heh, ok, that's your turn. Kisame….Kisame? KISAME!!

Kisame: Eh…what?

Sasori: You fell asleep again! It's your turn…you know how I hate to be kept waiting…

Kisame: Oh…yea yea…ok, here we go….WEEEE!!!!

Deidara: HEY! A 3, un! That lands you on………free parking……again……

Kisame: This is my lucky day I guess.

Itachi: Kisame….did you change the dice again?

Kisame:…..No! I never did!

Deidara: We'll see….Itachi, your roll…

(The doorbell rings)

Itachi: I got it…. (Gets up and leaves)

Kisame: Ok, Leader! Your turn!

Leader: Great!!...(Rolls dice) Ha! I got a seven!

Deidara: That lands you on…..Sasori's again….

Leader: Really?

Sasori: You owe me twelve hundred….

Itachi: The pizza guy is here….

Sasori: Well…..pay him…..

Itachi: It…..won't be that simple….

Gaara: Hey! You guys owe me seventeen ninety five!

Deidara: Holy crap! It's the jinchurriki…

Itachi: Calm down, Deidara. Remember, he isn't a jinchurriki anymore…

Deidara: Oh yeah…hehehehe….So, brat! What happened, un?

Gaara: Oh…it's you…..Well, after you assholes sucked me dry, I lost my position as the Leader of the Sand Village…..but the bills still have to be paid, right?

Leader: Hehehehe….I suppose so. Kisame, pay him and make him leave….

Kisame: What! But, why do I have to pay him?

Leader: Because I said so….

Deidara: And because you're ugly, un!

Kisame: No way…Zetsu should pay if we are going by how ugly we are….

Zetsu: Hey! Don't drag me into this…(Yeah, you asshole! I don't have any money anyways…)

(In the Pink Room)

Kisame: They always think that I have money….That whole finding the treasure on the bottom of the sea thing is still lingering…It's not like I'm a freaking bank!

(Back at the house)

Kisame: Fine! Here, take your money!

Gaara:…………..Where's my tip?

Leader: You want a tip? Here's one……Get a real job!

(Everyone laughs as Gaara leaves, pissed off)

Sasori: That was great……Mmmmm, pepperoni….

Kisame: What? Pepperoni? I ordered anchovy…

Leader: I know….but I changed your order before it got here….I hate anchovies.

Kisame:……….You guys never let me have my way………

Deidara: Oh well….Hey, my pizza has sand in it!

Leader: Damn that delivery boy! Shit!

Kisame: Hehehe, now you basturds know how I feel every time you make me go swimming in the ocean!

Zetsu: Shut up, Kisame. You're annoying the hell out of me! (Yeah, stop complaining ass clown!)

Kisame:……………………….MR. BIGGLES!!!!!!!

Zetsu:……………….Dude, you need to put that behind you….I did! Besides, I sprouted a new friend….(Yeah, so up yours clownfish!)

Kisame: Oh yeah? Where is he….let me introduce him to my chef's knife!

Zetsu: He's up in my room….but be careful……George is sensitive……

Kisame: HAHAHAHAHahAHA! (Runs upstairs with Samehada at the ready)

Leader: Zetsu, you know he is going to chop that plant to bits….

Zetsu:…………………………..

(The others hear Kisame upstairs)

Kisame: There you are…….hehehehehee, time to die you little weed…..wait….what? Holy crap….AHHHHHHHH….Get back!!!! GET BACK!!!!! NOOOOOO!!!!! ZETSU!!!!!!!!!!

Leader: Holy crap….what was that?

Zetsu: Hmmm? Oh, that's just George saying hello….

Deidara: What…..exactly is George, un?

Zetsu: A venus fly trap……..

(They all look at him)

Zetsu: What? I keep telling yall that people are excellent fertilizer….(Delicious!)

Announcer: HAHAHAHAHAHAahAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHA! Well, that's all for today…Oh, by the way, this show was brought to you by…….Zetsu's fertilizer! Makes any yard grow big, tall…..and vicious! Try some today….you'll never live to regret it! Zetsu's fertilizer, you know it's good by the smell of it! HA! Tune in next time everyone! Until then……I have plants to mow! CHARGE!!!!!!!!!!!!


	12. Chapter 12

Everyone! Hey, I'm back after a little hiatus from this thing. Again, thanks to BlackKanji for her ideas...and InuKeifer...and anyone else that mentioned something who I forgot to thank. Thanks to BlackKanji for the idea for this one...and I am going to add part of my own to it to. Yeah! A COLLAB! Anyways...on with the show. HURRAY!!!!! (Insert fake laughter and clapping here)

* * *

Announcer: Well, season 1 is shaping up to be a wonderful, great, enthusiastic...awww, who am I kidding. This season sucks. The only reason you people watch this show is there ain't nothin' better to do...and you're to dumb to read anything (double pun...HA!) Anyways, nothing really all that special today I guess...Oh, I guess I should tell you all that we have added some channels to the T.V., though after glancing through the 1809 channels you have...there ain't nothin' good on to watch. Oh well...not my problem. Let's go to the house...The Real World: Akatsuki!

(In the Pink Room)

Deidara: I was so glad when they got the new channels on the T.V., un! I mean, I can finally watch all my soaps now. I can't wait to see how Derron is doing! I love The Young and Foolhardy, un!

(Back in the house)

Deidara: (Crying) NO!!! Derron, why did you leave her? She loves you. WAHHH!!!!!!

Tobi: Deidara-senpai! What are you doing?

Deidara: Go away, Tobi! I'm watching my favorite shows, un!

Tobi: Can I watch with you, Deidara-senpai? Tobi is a good boy!

Deidara: No, Tobi! You always talk through the good parts, un!

Tobi: Tobi won't do that anymore, Deidara-senpai. Tobi is a good boy!

Deidara: ERRRRRNNN! Fine, but sit still and shut up, ok?

Tobi: YEAH! I will, Deidara-senpai. Tobi is...

Deidara: Tobi...SHUT UP!!!!!

(An hour later)

Tobi: Tobi is bored...Tobi want's ice cream! Tobi can't see the screen. Deidara-senpai, tell Tobi a story. Tobi is a good boy!

Deidara: TOBI!!!!!!! My favorite part is coming on...so shut up!

Tobi: But...

(Something pops up on the T.V...)

Tobi: Deidara-senpai...what are they doing?

Deidara: Eh?

Tobi: What is he doing to her? What is this, Deidara-senpai?

Deidara: Ummm...errr...well, Tobi. They are...ummm...well...

Tobi: Ooooo! Tobi want's to do that! It looks like fun to Tobi! Deidara-senpai...do you want to...

Deidara: NO! Go away Tobi, un!

Tobi: (Gets up and leaves) Ok, Deidara-senpai...I wonder if Leader-sama will do that with Tobi...Tobi is a good boy.

(In the Pink Room)

Deidara: Ok, so that was totally awkward. I didn't realize Tobi knew so little about...well...you know. I mean, with that head...and his attitude...I assumed that it was true...but, I guess it really is, un.

(Back in the house)

Tobi: Kisame-sama!

Kisame: What, Tobi?

Tobi: Tobi saw something on T.V. that Tobi would like to do with you?

Kisame: Oh yeah? A fishing show, huh? Well, fat chance you little brat!

Tobi: No, Kisama-sama. Tobi saw something on one of Deidara's shows that he would like to do...

Kisame: Oh really...and what is that?

(Tobi pulls his pants down)

Kisame: Tobi! Get the hell away from me, you perv! GOD!

Tobi: But Kisame-sama!!!!!!

Itachi: Tobi, what are you doing, and where did Kisame go?

Tobi: Oh, Itachi-sama. Tobi was going to try something with Kisame-sama...but...would you like to?

Itachi: (Balks a bit) Err...sorry Tobi...I'm straight. I have to find Kisame...

Tobi: Huh? But, Tobi is a good boy!

(In the Pink Room)

Leader: Tobi was bugging the hell out of everyone...so I thought it was high time that he learned about the birds and the bees...and who better to teach him that then someone who has eaten both?

(Back in the house)

Zetsu: Ok...the Leader said that I get sprayed unless I tell you about the birds and the bees.

Tobi: The...birds...and the...bees?

Zetsu: Yeah...you know...sex...

Tobi: What is sex, Zetsu-san?

Zetsu: Well...err...sex, Tobi, is when...ummm...

Tobi: Yes, Zetsu-san?

Zetsu: Damn it! Sex is when a boy flower and a girl flower pollinate each other...and the stamens...and the buds...and, well...(You need to tell him. This is pissing me off!)

Tobi: Please tell me, Zetsu-san!

Zetsu: Damn it, I wasn't cut out for this! (Leaves)

Tobi: Won't someone tell me what sex is!

Hidan: What the hell are you talking about in here, Tobi?

Tobi: Oh, Hidan-san! Zetsu was talking to me about sex!

Hidan: Oh, he was, was he? I bet the plant hasn't gotten pollinated in...well...forever. Hahaahahahaha...

Tobi: Can you tell me about sex, Hidan-san?

Hidan: Well sure I can, Tobi! In fact, you got about...oh, say, three hours?

(Three hours later)

Hidan: And then this one time, I took this girl out back...and like, totally...

Tobi: Hidan-san...I didn't know someone could bend that way...

Hidan: Oh, I mean...you have to kinda force them into that position. It's easier if you break the bones in their legs here...and here. That way, they don't kick you when you do that.

Tobi: Oh! Thanks, Hidan-san! I know what sex is now! Tobi is a good boy!

Hidan: (Pats Tobi on the head) You sure are, Tobi! Now, get out of here...my eleven o'clock is coming in ten.

Tobi: Ok, Hidan-san! Thanks again! (Leaves)

Leader: Hey...is Tobi still here?

Hidan: Naw, he left...

Leader: Good, that kid was pissing me off.

Hidan: Actually, he was a nice kid. Totally listened to every word I said to him.

(In the Pink Room)

Tobi: So, Tobi learned about sex! Amazing, Tobi never knew what Orochimaru-sama was doing...now he knows! Tobi is a good boy!

Announcer: ...I need to go wash myself...HAHAHA! Well, tune in next time...or don't. But do it anyways. And give me more ideas, because if you ask enough, the author will write them...because that is what he does. Otherwise, he will come in the night and kill your family...oh wait, that's Itachi...well, he'll definitely think about it. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! See you next time.


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: Your life is short-lived...so read this and go outside for a while...then come back in and read this again...just so you know. Oh...and I don't own Naruto, The Real World...blah blah blah...ok, on with the show!

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Note from me: I wish to thank all that feel like reviewing. If I haven't used your idea yet, its probably because A: it sucks B: I was to tired to, or C: Go back to A or B. However, if it doesn't suck and I am not tired, I will use your idea. I am great! (Tobi is a good boy) This idea is from WolvenWindNinja. Thank you very much, yo! Ok, that's it.

* * *

Announcer: I feel pretty! Oh so pretty! I feel pretty, and witty, and...gayyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!! Oh...we're on? Sorry. This is me, the Announcer...saying hello. Welcome, bonjour and stuff! Welcome back to this episode of The Real World: Akatsuki. We thought that we should do something fun and give the housemates some money...but of course, the Leader thought it would be a good idea for him to receive it. We didn't really care, because we just don't give a crap, so we gave him a big old whoppin' check! WHOOPEE DANG DOO! I wish I got a check...I would buy so much crap with that! Yea! Anyways, lets go to the house, shall we?

(In the pink room)

Leader: So, they gave me some money...oh, well, they gave US some money...but really, they gave me some money. So, I used it wisely...by putting cameras in everyone's room. You hear that, you basturds! I know what you do all the time, now! No plotting behind my back! Erm..sorry.

(In Leader's room)

Leader: Ok, so the feeds are up and running, huh? Good...hmmmm...(twirls his finger in the air boredly) I put them in, guess I should use 'em. I wonder what is happening in...Kisame's room. (Switches to Kisame's room on the monitor) He's...he's just sitting there. Is that what he does in his room? Just sits? God he's boring! I wonder if he's saying anything. (Hits the audio feed)

Kisame: Ok...feel your inner jaws. You are the leapord shark...you are the tiger shark...eye of the shark...tail of the shark...kill without mercy...kill without fear...oh yeah! (Grabs pen and paper) Go to store...buy some toothpaste...(Puts pen and paper down) I need a bright, shiny smile if I am to put the fear of god into guppies! Ok, back to work...eye of the...

Leader: BORING! Hmmm, I wonder what else is happening. Let's go to Sasori's room, just because...(Switches to Sasori) Oh, ok. He's practicing with his dolls...err, puppets anyways. I wonder what he's saying? (Switches on the audio)

Sasori: Oh Bonnie...of course I'll marry you! (Talks like a girl while manipulating girl puppet) _But Sasori-kun...what will I wear tonight? _Believe me, baby...you don't need to wear a thing. Oh yeah, come here...you know you're my number one, right? _Ohhh, Sasori-kun...I love it when you touch me there...ooooooooooo..._

Leader: Ummm...(Switches off feed...then thinks about it) Well, I can always blackmail him later. Wonder what Itachi is up to? (Checks on Itachi) He's playing on his computer? I told him that Internet access was extra! Damn him! (Switches on the audio)

Itachi: Oh Itachisgirl506...you're the only girl for me...ohhhh yeah...ewwww, you like that, don't you...takin' off my pants...oh yeah...mmmmmm...yeah, you're a dirty girl, aren't you...and you like that, don't you...mmmmm...

Leader: (Switches feed off) So...that's why Itachi is going blind. I always wondered about that. He's going to have to pay more for that Internet, though...the sick freak. Ok, who's privacy can I totally ignore now? Let's see...Eeny meenie miny Tobi! (Switches on Tobi's feed) Hmm...what is he doing?

Tobi: HI LEADER-SAMA!

Leader: Tobi...you can see me?

Tobi: Of course, Leader-sama! Tobi can see you on Tobi's camera feed in your room! Tobi is a good boy!

Leader: Where is your camera in here, Tobi?

Tobi: It's right behind you!

Leader: (Turns...staring into a huge six foot camera operated by a monkey) Oh...that's what that thing is? I thought it was my personal monkey body guard...never know when you need one.

Tobi: His name is Gary...Gary is a good chimp!

Leader: (Lightning flashes from him...killing the chimp and frying the camera) He's dead now...along with your camera, Tobi.

Tobi: That's ok. Tobi put twenty cameras in Leader's room. Tobi is a good boy!

Leader: WHAT! (Loses feed) Damn it...now I have to find all those stupid things...GOD! Hey, speaking of God, I wonder what Hidan is doing? (Switches to Hidan's room)

Hidan: Praise be to the Devil and all his black minions! Praise the black lord who smites the wicked with his awesome, red hand of doom! Praise him! PRAISE!

Some girl: Master Hidan, sir. The sacrifice is ready!

Hidan: Put him on the altar!

Leader: That's enough of that! (Switches off the feed) Weird...Hidan has girls in his room? Huh! Hmmm, speaking of girls...I wonder what Deidara is doing? (Switches onto Deidara's feed...and quickly switches it off again) Deidara...you sick basturd...using your hands in such a manner...revolting...however, when I leave, I will record that...it may come in useful on my turn to do the dishes...hehehehe.

Tobi: Leader-sama, can you hear me?

Leader: Tobi? What the hell are you doing? Where are you?

Tobi: Tobi is in his room. Tobi wanted to speak to Leader-sama through his camera.

Leader: Keep talking, Tobi...I think I can...(finds camera and fries it) Good, that should...

Tobi: Ok, Leader-sama! Tobi will keep talking!

Leader: AHHHH!!!!!!!!! (Starts blasting everything around him) Damn you Tobi! (Sets his underwear drawer on fire) DAMN!

Tobi: Leader-sama!!!!!

Leader: WHAT!

Tobi:...Tobi is a good boy!

Leader: ERG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Puts out the fire with his anger! Don't ask me how) I hate my life!

Announcer: Hey...this may be a bad time...but we need that money back...

Leader: GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!!!

Announcer:...Ummmmmm, are you ok?

Leader: GET OUT!!!!!!!

Announcer: Geez! Anyways, that's all the time we have for today...hmmm, I wonder if Deidara can hook me up with some of those hands...that would be a killer party opener...Oh! See you next time on The Real World: Akatsuki. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Deidara!!!!!!

* * *

Thanks again to WolvenWindNinja. Killer idea by the way. DATTEBAYO! Wait...hold on. Never mind, brilliant idea came and gone. Thanks, dattebayo...thanks... 


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: However much I wish I owned any part of Naruto or the Real World, I do not. I do not own Naruto...and I certainly take no credit for The Real World. Thank you and have a nice day!

* * *

Announcer: HELLO! Welcome to the much awaited next episode of The Real World: Akatsuki! Unfortunately, we had to cancel it, but good news...you can now buy plushies of all the characters! Isn't that wonderful?

Some guy: Hey...we, um...well...

Announcer: What?

Some guy: The show...it's back...you have to be the announcer again...sorry.

Announcer: Ahh crap. I thought I was free. Crap on a crap sandwich! Crap! Crap crap crap crap...

Some guy: Hey...are you going to get to the show or what?

Announcer: Yeah, fine, whatever. Here's the Real World: Akatsuki...and I hope you all choke on it!

Some guy: That wasn't very nice.

Announcer: I don't really care. CRAP!

Some guy: Why do you say that?

Announcer: Because I can. So shut up! CRAP!

* * *

(At the house)

(In the pink room)

Zetsu: So, we all decided one day that we needed to know the Leader's name. (Yeah...because calling him Leader was really starting to piss us off!) So, we sat down with him, and told him to tell us his name. (Yeah...because otherwise I was going to kill Tobi!)

(In the house)

Deidara: Ok, un! Tell us your name right now! I don't want to call you Leader anymore, un!

Leader: Ummm, ok. My name is...

Tobi: Wait! Tobi will say your name! Tobi is a good boy!

Deidara: Well then shut the hell up and tell us his name, un!

Tobi: Ok! Tobi knows Leader's name. Leader's name is...GEORGE!

Leader: Ummm...no it's not.

Deidara: You freakin' idiot! It can't be George, un! That's not even Japanese!

Tobi: But Tobi is a good boy!

Sasori: Shut up Tobi! God! You're annoying the hell out of me!

Tobi: Sorry, Sasori-sama.

Kakuzu: So...what is your name?

Leader: Well...you can call me...

Zetsu: Wait...your name is MadlookieWannatookie right?

Leader: Uhhhh...

Deidara: You're all freakin' stupid! That sounds Hawaiian, un!

Zetsu: But it sounds good. (Yeah...like some tropical dish...mmmm)

Kisame: Why don't you all shut the hell up so he can tell us, alright?

Itachi: I'm with Kisame. Let him tell us what his name is before you all jump to conclusions.

Leader: Ok. My name is...

Tobi: George!!!!!

Leader: NO! SHUT UP!

Tobi: ...TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!

Leader: ARRRGGGG!!!!

(In the pink room)

Leader: I keep trying to say my name...but no one will shut the hell up! Sometimes I wish that I was by myself...it would be so much easier that way. No food left in the sink...T.V. Always playing what I want...no, um, corpses in the fridge...

(Again in the pink room)

Zetsu:...What? I needed to keep it somewhere, right?

(Back in the house)

Leader: My name is Pein! Alright! GOD!

Deidara: Pein? What kind of name is that, un?

Pein...I guess: It's a good name. Shut the hell up, Mr. Mrs.!

Deidara: Hey, it's not my fault that the artist drew me this way. Besides, I'm totally hot, un!

Pein...I suppose: Yeah...for a girl!

Deidara: You may be the Leader...but I will still kill you, un!

Pein...ummm, yeah: Oh yeah...try it!

Deidara: (Stares at him for a second...then runs away) HE SCARES ME!!!!!!!!!!!...un!

Pein...ok, fine: Yeah, you better run!

(In the pink room)

Itachi: So...his name is Pein? Hmm...ok.

(Back in the house)

Tobi: Hey Pein! Are you the fourth Hokage?

Pein: No...I'm not!

Tobi: Are you sure? Because Tobi thinks you are, and Tobi is a good boy!

Pein: You're pissing me off, Tobi!

Tobi: Tobi is a good boy!!!!!

Pein: Go away!

Sasori: So...who is the other person in the house?

Pein: Who?

(Someone walks through the door. I will call the last remaining member of Akatsuki Blue...because everyone else does, and I want some stability in my life, damnit!)

Blue: I'm back from shopping everyone!

Pein: Ummm...and you are?

Blue: I'm Blue...remember? I went shopping? I've only been gone for like...

Pein: Umm...thirteen episodes.

Blue: Yeah, well. They just showed my character in the Manga, and so what did you expect the writer to do, huh? He couldn't just make me into something that would turn out later to be wrong, and furthermore...

(3 hours later...you know women and how they nag us poor guys all the time...yeah)

Blue: ...you need to know that I have feelings, damnit! I slave and work all day and...

Pein: What are you talking about? You haven't been here the entire time! God, just shut up already!

Blue: I'm going to my room! Screw you people! (Runs away)

Pein: Does she even have a room? I don't remember her getting one in episode 1.

Tobi: She can have my room...Tobi is a good boy!

Pein: Oh, by the way, Tobi! ...Ummm...Are you Obito Uchiha by any chance?

Tobi: Who is that, Pein? Tobi doesn't know who that is. Tobi is a good boy!

Pein: Ok...Obito...we should just call you Obito from now on.

Tobi: Ok, Pein-sama! Tobi is a good boy! Obito I will be...but still Tobi inside!

(In the pink room)

Pein: If you think about it, Tobi is just Obito spelled differently. The O got dropped because he's obviously stupid and doesn't know that Obito has two O's in it.

(In the pink room again)

Tobi: You know, these things that people say about me...they're hurtful. I sometimes wish that I didn't live in this house ever. But, you know what they say. Do what the Roman's do, right? (Sigh) I sometimes wish that the lack of respect they show for me would diminish slightly. I mean, I never really did anything to them to begin with, right?

Deidara: (From the other room) WATCH IT!

(A football flies in and whacks Tobi in the head)

Tobi: Oww...Wait...ummm...Tobi is a good boy!

* * *

Announcer: ALRIGHTY THEN! That was wonderful. I'm so glad the author took time out of his busy schedule to type this crap! Great, perfect! Ok, tune in next time for more! OH! The producers have told me that next episode will be an Ask Akatsuki episode. Ask them any question you want, and they will answer it. Of course, that has nothing to do with the AK47's we'll have trained on them...or the dynamite strapped to them...or the C4 that will planted in each of their buttock's...but hey, them's the brakes! Ok, ask away and get ready for more mayhem and nonsense. See you next time! 


	15. Chapter 15

Announcer: So wait...we're...we're what? Back on, you say? Again? Really? God, you people need to make up your minds. I mean, one minute, you're looking down the barrel of a gun at me, the next, you're handing me a million dollars and telling me that I have another episode to do. What? Only two dollars, you say? Well, I tried. Oh...oh! Hey! Hello there...Welcome to The Real World: Akatsuki! I really have to tell you, because I get sued if I don't, that none of this is ever possible without the wonderful world that I have created in my head.

Some Guy: Um...you know what you're talking about, right?

Announcer: Of course I do! Hahahaha! Ok, please, prepare for the inevitable ending to the series! This is it!

Some Guy: This is the end of the series?

Announcer: Well...yes, yes it is.

Some Guy: Why is that?

Announcer: Because...

Some Guy: Will there be a part 2?

Announcer: Idunknow. It depends on how I feel...and you feel...and they feel.

Some Guy: Who is they?

Announcer: Them! (Points at you!) Them reading this. It depends if they feel that a season 2 needs to be done. Who knows!

Some Guy: Oh...really?

Announcer: Yes! Now, shut up! It is time to...GO TO THE HOUSE! BUM BUM BUM!!!!!

Some Guy: You know we have a sound guy for those kind of sounds, right?

Announcer: SHUT UP!

(At the house)

(In the pink room)

Pain: So, I have to admit. The service for Deidara went smoothly. I don't know of anyone who ever got a better service.

(At the service)

Hidan: Therefore, by order and decree, we commend you to the heavens! Deidara, be thou at peace with yourself, for no one else will be. Amen!

Kakuzu: He was...(sniff)...such a wonderful guy!

Sasori:...Why am I here, again?

Pain: Shut up, Sasori! Pay your respects!

Sasori:...I don't get paid to be here, so I have no money. Therefore, I am too broke to pay anything!

Pain: Sasori...

Sasori: Fine fine...I guess...he wasn't such a bad guy after all. I mean, he did take the trash out every once in a while...

Kakuzu: Yes! Let out the pain, Sasori!

Sasori: What pain? I don't feel any pain...ever...

Kakuzu: Do you need a shoulder to cry on? I can be your shoulder!

Sasori: What the hell are you talking about?

(In the pink room)

Sasori: Everyone is pissing me off. Why won't they leave me alone?

(Back at the service)

Itachi: Hmm...I guess that he won't be able to figure out my genjutsu now.

Kisame: I am sorry, Itachi-san. Are you alright?

Itachi: Hmm...I guess so. This comes as a shock. I mean, truly...it never should have happened. Accursed little brother...

(Flashback)

Sasuke: Deidara, I have you now!

Deidara: No you don't, un!

Sasuke: Yes I do! CHIDORI!

Deidara: Hey, that's neat! CHIDORI!! (Nothing happens)

Sasuke: What...erm, what are you doing?

Deidara: Uh...I don't know, un. I was trying that trick out. It looked neat.

Sasuke: Oh, well. Only I can do that!

Deidara: Arg! Fine, un. Well, than. Let us...BEGIN!

Both: Paddycake, paddycake, bakers man. Bake me a cake as fast as you can!

(Back at the service)

Itachi: I wonder what that flashback has to do with anything? Oh well...

Kisame: I liked it. It was fun. Hey...Itachi...

Itachi: Never again, Kisame. Never again...

Hidan: Very well. Let us sing hymn 405, oh god...what on earth is my hairdo all about?

All: Ohhhh god, what on earth is my hairrrrdooooooooooo...

Konan...who was Blue...but now is Konan...I suppose...She is hot, yo!: Poor Deidara...I always wanted to do his hair for him. I'll never get that chance now...WHAAAA!!!!

Pain: Who the hell are you? I've never seen you before!

Konan: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

Itachi: Konan...my dearest sympathies. Please, let us go into my room and...discuss your feelings.

Konan: Thank you, Itachi-kun...that would be nice.

Itachi: Yes, it would, wouldn't it. (To Kisame, in a whisper) Don't come up for about three hours. Stall everyone here as long as possible, alright?

Kisame: Sure thing...just be sure to leave some for the rest of us, alright?

Itachi:...Maybe...

(In the pink room)

Kisame: The last time Konan went to Itachi's room, we had to peel things off the walls and what not. Man...that was a bad day. I still remember the...well, best not to talk about it...

(At the service)

Zetsu: So, why couldn't I eat him again?

Kisame: Zetsu! Show some respect, you asshole!

Zetsu: What? I'm just saying that eating him would've been a good idea. (Yeah! Tasty!)

Kisame: Enough, Zetsu. Geez...

Pain: Very well...I suppose that we can leave now. By the way, has anyone seen Tobi?

Tobi: I am here, Pain-sama!

Pain: Err...Tobi. Are you feeling ok?

Tobi: Of course, Pain-sama. I feel fine. Why do you ask?

Pain: Well...err...you're usually more...err...annoying than this.

Tobi: I am? Hmm...hadn't really thought about it. Strange. Perhaps Deidara has something to do with it, eh?

Pain: Maybe...but I doubt that.

(In the pink room)

Pain: I believe I remember that Deidara was giving Tobi some speech lessons.

(Flashback)

Deidara: Tobi! It isn't Tobi! It is I, un!

Tobi: Oh...so, not Tobi?

Deidara: No! Now...say it. Say I, un!

Tobi: Tobi I un!

Deidara: NO! Not Tobi!

Tobi: Not Tobi I un?

Deidara: Leave out the un, un!

Tobi: Um...you're confusing Tobi, Deidara-senpai!

Deidara: (sigh)...this could be a long time in the coming...un...

(In the pink room)

Pain: It took like five months, I think. That was after all the therapy...

(At the service)

Kakuzu: Well, I suppose that we should be going now...Goodbye, Deidara. Miss you, man...

Hidan: See you later, un?

Kakuzu: Don't say that, Hidan.

Hidan: Why not, man? I'm honoring him with his speech impediment.

Kakuzu: It's just...it's just not right...

Hidan: Fine! Whatever, damn.

Pain: Let us go in the house, everyone. We will plan on killing those who are responsible...

Hidan: Yeah! SACRIFICE THEM!

Kakuzu: That is all you think about. Sacrifice.

Kisame: Hey...let's stay outside for a while, huh? What do you say?

Pain: Why, Kisame? There is cake inside...

Kisame: Cake? Hell, let's go!

(They all enter house...hearing from upstairs...)

Konan: Oh...Itachi-kun...I don't think I can bend like that anymore...

Itachi: Konan...you're kicking me in the face...please stop...

Konan: Oh! OH!! ITACHI-KUN!!!!

Kisame: Oh yea...now I remember...

Pain: You people sicken me...

(Upstairs, in Itachi's room)

(Playing Twister)

Itachi: Right hand red, Konan.

Konan: Damn...you win. I can't bend anymore.

Itachi: VICTORY IS MINE!

Konan: Oh yeah...so, Deidara...

Itachi: Eh, whatever. Another round?

Konan: HELL YEAH!

(In the pink room)

Sasori: I just...(sniff)...I just need a moment, alright? It's just...after Orochimaru...and all...I mean...WHAAAAA!!

(In the house)

Tobi: Sasori! Sasori no danna! Hello! SASORI!!!

Sasori: (Trying to watch T.V.) WHAT! What is it Tobi?

Tobi:...Tobi is a good boy!

Sasori: Not now, Tobi. I am watching television...

Tobi: Sasori no danna, let Tobi tell you a story, please?

Sasori: Grrr...fine Tobi. What?

Tobi: You see, one time, Tobi had an egg. Now, Tobi loved his egg for a long time...until it hatched and became a chick. That chick turned out to be the greatest thing to happen to Tobi in a long time. We did everything, Tobi and that chick. We went on missions, left home together, raised a family, and joined the Navy! It was fun, that chick and Tobi. Then, one day, the chick died. And do you know what, Sasori no danna?

Sasori: (On the verge of tears once more) What, Tobi?

Tobi: That was the tastiest meal Tobi ever had. Well, see you later! Tobi is off to get a job with a drill!

Sasori: ...I hate you, Tobi!

(In the pink room)

Pain: So...life in the house is slow now. Without Deidara around, we haven't really gotten back to the old life. It is sad, really. But, we will work through it.

(At the house)

Deidara: Whew! I'm back, un!

Sasori: Poor Deidara...why?

Deidara: What are you talking about, Sasori no danna? What...

Kakuzu: Poor Deidara. Why did you have to leave us?

Deidara: Umm...I was only on vacation, un. What in the hell is wrong with you guys?

Hidan: Deidara! Come back to us!

Deidara: I'm right here!

Tobi: Tobi misses Deidara senpai right now!

Deidara: SHUT UP, TOBI! REMEMBER YOUR SPEECH TRAINING, UN!

Pain: It is like Deidara is here with us right now...

Deidara: What? Can't anyone see me? Am I...am I really gone? Am I a ghost?

Kakuzu: Well, I guess I'm leaving now. I will see you all in a week! Going on vacation, you know.

Hidan: Oh...right. See ya, Kakuzu...

(Kakuzu leaves with a suitcase)

Pain: Poor, poor Deidara...

Deidara: I'm right here! You guys are starting to freak me out now, un!

Hidan: Oh my god! Kakuzu is dead!

Pain: NO! NOT KAKUZU TO!!

Sasori: Everyone is dying!

Konan: Itachi-kun! Set it up again!

Itachi: Nice...

Tobi: Tobi will get the pictures out. See you all outside in five minutes!

Hidan: I have the bible. Rock on!

Pain: I will order the cake...

Deidara:...I hate you guys, un...

Announcer: Well...that was weird. But, I do like to leave everyone with a feeling of...hmmm...and I think that we have done that quite well here, yeah? Thank you all for tuning in to The Real World: Akatsuki. Perhaps we will see you again, or perhaps not. Who knows? Well, this is the announcer, saying goodnight, and god speed...

(End of Season 1!)


End file.
